Diary of the Teenage Dead - Part Two
I'm in Heaven - I think!

Note from Anthony: Although this article is confronting, I feel it needs to be. It reflects the truth in the only way all truths can be seen... hard to read, hear or see. This is the second installment of a 3 part series on Diary of the Teenage Dead...

Last month (May) we featured Part One of the three part series ‘Diary of the Teenage Dead’. Just in case you missed reading Part One, or you’re new to our newsletter, let me recap on events for you.

Arguably, teenage suicide is the hardest of all deaths to cope with. When a young person takes his or her own life, it shatters the lives of those closest to them.

‘Diary of the Teenage Dead’ is a fictitious diary created to tell the story of suicide from the Afterlife or Heaven. It’s our intention to help young people understand suicide is not a way out. At the same time, it is our hope that the diary offers healing to those who have lost a loved-one in this way.

While the diary follows the story of Zak, a 17-year-old boy who intentionally killed himself in a car accident, the research that enabled us to write so vividly about Zak’s journey into the Afterlife comes from Anthony’s many connections with teenage spirits.

In last month’s diary entry, we read Zak’s last living memory was seconds before he ploughed his car head-on into a tree. The car was travelling in excess of 180 kilometres per hour. Ironically, Zak expected to wake up. Instead, he stood amidst his grieving family, confused. ‘What the hell happened? Why is everyone so sad?’

It wasn’t until several days after the accident that Zak put two and two together. ‘Oh my God! I am dead.’ At that point, white light streamed in around him and every thing on the earth plain began to fade. Zak tried hard to hang on to his mum and dad, but the light was too strong. He knew he must follow it.

Diary of the Teenage Dead Part 2

I’m in Heaven – I think

‘I’m in Heaven’. That’s what I thought when I kissed my first girlfriend. I mean really kissed her. Well that Heaven is not like this Heaven - this Heaven is weird. When I think about my family I can see down into their world. It reminds me of a glass bottom boat - like the ones used at the Great Barrier Reef. You know the ones – they’re packed with people who can’t swim, snorkel, scuba dive or were a cat in their past life and are afraid of water.

In my case, I don’t see bright coloured fish darting around a coral reef. Instead, I see my family and friends racing here there and everywhere, stressed, angry and sad. Mum suffers the most. She is trying to organise my funeral under a cloud of confusion, grief and pain. I can feel how broken her heart is. It makes me feel sick. Dad has dropped the ball. He’s no help to anyone. He just cries. I had never seen him cry until now. He thinks my death was his fault. It wasn’t. I wish I could tell him that. I can feel his love. That really does my head in. It is so strong, it reaches me up here. I wish I could have felt that love when I was alive. It was there for me but I didn’t know how to connect with it. I know that now.

When I look in on my friends, they’re in a whirlpool of confusion. Some are hiding their pain by taking more drugs. I hear their thoughts. I want to tell them drugs never hide the pain. I should know. I used them to dull all the crap that was making my life a misery. The truth is my life wasn’t the misery I thought it was. I ended up killing myself for no good reason. I wish I could explain that to my friends. I wish I could help them understand.

My boss is trying to locate a new apprentice fitter. He wants one as good as me. Fancy that. All the time I was alive I thought he hated me. I thought I was no good. I thought I was a klutz. If only I’d been able to see past my own self doubt. I was okay. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. My boss feels bad because he never told me I was doing okay. He kept getting up me about the things I wasn’t doing right. He thought that would make me tougher. I’d like to tell him it’s okay. I understand, now.

My sister is refusing to eat. She is wasting away. I want to tell her I’m with her, but I don’t know how. I haven’t learnt to connect with the living yet. My baby brother is acting out. He trashes things around the house to get attention. He doesn’t understand why I left him, but no one knows that is what is going on inside his head except me. I feel so guilty. I’ve done that to all of them. I just want to tell them all, “I did this. It was not your fault. Please be happy again – for my sake.”

Sometimes I have no choice. I find myself a reluctant passenger in Heaven’s glass bottom boat. Don’t worry. I’m not alone. Others sit with me in the glass bottom boat. They say they are my guides. Thank God they’re not like some of the teachers I had at school. I probably would have jumped overboard and taken my chances swimming amongst the clouds..

Each say, my guides sit with me and patiently sift through my life. I remember that on my first ‘glass bottom’ boat ride I got to see what was. That wasn’t so bad. I learnt a lot about myself – the person I was when I was a living soul.

Lately, I’ve have had to face what would have been had I not taken myself out of the picture. That was hard. Killing myself was like removing all the red threads out of a tapestry. Parts of other people’s lives could no longer be completed because of me.

I talk to other young spirits like me. Talk is the wrong word really. We telepathically communicate using energy vibrations. We don’t communicate in words. We talk in complete thoughts. It’s a bit like looking at the cover of a DVD and seeing the entire movie in a split second of a thought. It’s freaky really.

Talking in complete thoughts isn’t the only freaky thing I have to get used to. When I first began my glass bottom boat journey I used to think, ‘I better not put my feet on the glass. I might fall through.’ Can you image the reaction if I crashed in on my family like a cricket ball through a pane of glass? Only now am I beginning to understand that I am pure energy. I have no physical body. I don’t seem to get angry or upset anymore, especially when my ‘glass bottom’ guides correct parts of my life. (They don’t like me calling them that, by the way.)

My ’glass bottom’ guides say that eventually I will learn to use my energy vibration to connect with my family and friends, but only if they’re willing. Eventually my job will be to help them and others heal. Knowing what I know now, I’d choose life over death anytime. My journey is not over yet. There is no escaping the lessons that still lay ahead of me.

Next month, we’ll travel with Zak as he learns to use his energy vibration to connect with his family and heal the living.